I Loved Him First
by Hazey Rine
Summary: "Mwawa!" the pacifier in his hands was wet with baby drool and he teetered up to me. He was wearing boy's clothes for a change and I liked the color blue on him.


**I loved him first~**

**A Fujisaki Nagihiko and Mother Tribute **

* * *

><p><em>"Congratulations Mrs. Fujisaki." They handed to me the messiest living being I had ever seen. Though they had cleaned him up, he had a little splotch of blood on his stomach and a few spots on his hands. Admittedly I already knew the challenges he'd have to go through once he had reached the age of six. But that didn't matter.<em>

_"He's beautiful." Natsume held my hand, lifting it up to his face and taking in a deep breath. I couldn't help but let the tears fall down my face._

_I was a mom._

Like the snow outside of the hall, everything in the room was white. From the dresses, to the chairs, to the flowers, to her veil and to his tux. I disapproved of it of course, but that was just at first. Slowly, I began to realize why they'd based the wedding around the harsh and cold season.

Winter represented both of them, in more ways than one. As the doors opened and everyone stood up to welcome the young bride, I closed my eyes, wondering how'd my darling baby boy, suddenly turn into such a grown up man.

_"Mama," he looked extremely nervous, which was a first. His eyes roamed around the room, refusing to meet my eyes. I had never done anything to hurt him so surely he wasn't afraid of me. Behind him was a young girl with bushy blonde hair and sparkling golden brown eyes. She nudged him with her elbow and his mouth opened, then closed, then opened, until he finally spoke up "This is my classmate and fellow guardian, Mashiro Rima, she'll be spending the night since the storm is too harsh."_

_I raised a hand to stop my giggles and gently moved my bangs out of my eyes. Something I had seen my son do time and again. _

_"May I ask a question?" they both nodded and I lifted my fan to cover my face, out of pure repartee I decided to play my luck "What exactly had you two been doing in the snow together?"_

_I noted the way both their cheeks flushed and the white blobs of hardened ice in their hair, on their clothes, probably melting from the heat inside the house. She was the first to speak and took defense for him, immediately I knew that something was going on._

_He was in love_

"Dearly beloved," the priest's voice rang clear through the church "we are gathered here today, to bind this woman and this man, in holy matrimony."

_"Mwawa!" the pacifier in his hands was wet with baby drool and he teetered up to me. He was wearing boy's clothes for a change and I liked the color blue on him. His violet hair was a mere tuff as the snowflakes fell on him. His shoes were making this squeaking sound that infuriated me, but amused me at the same time. Stumbling, he fell in my open arms with an 'oomph'._

_He reached a hand up, like he did when he was younger, and placed it on my cheek. His eyes were so mature and understanding that I thought I saw his father. He giggled at my stunned expression, after examining my own eyes and clapping his hands, pacifier bobbing up and down._

_I lifted him up, carefully maneuvering through my kimono. He laughed and chortled when I raised him over my head. I shouldn't have been doing such improper things but I couldn't stop myself. Moments like these were a once in a lifetime thing._

_"My lady?" Baaya entered the garden and smiled kindly at me and my son. "Would you like to rest? I can hold the young master for a while._

_I nodded my head and she reached her hands out for the young rascal. I extended my own arms forward and was about to give him to Baaya when he made a strangled noise and his little hands grabbed fistfuls of my kimono. He dropped the pacifier he adored oh so much, it hit the snow with no sound. _

_I looked into his eyes and once again saw the mature glaze before reaching back for him. _

_"It seems that he doesn't want to let go of you." Baaya commented, smiling lightly. I beamed at her and at my son._

_I was never letting go of him either. _

"Before we start the ceremony," the priest faced me and Rikan, Rima's mom. She looked really happy and sad at the same time, I did too. But unlike her, I didn't want to show my sadness. "I must ask, who are the people here to give this young woman away."

"I am." A pang in my heart made me realize just how hard it was for Rikan to admit her defeat. She had lost Rima to my son now, and her attention would never waver from him. For a split second I hated Rima, for the fact and reason that I knew, that she was taking my baby boy away from me.

_"Uwah!" he gripped onto my hand, not wanting to let go. I shared the feeling and gripped onto his even though it was only my finger he was holding on to. He walked forward, dragging me with him. "Yu…kii!"_

_"Yes Nagihiko," I fell onto my knees and held him by the waist, he admired the falling clumps of ice and laughed whenever one got close enough to touch "Snow is so beautiful isn't it?" _

"The time of winter," the preacher read as their best friends looped the ropes that would bind them forever, around their hands, over their shoulders and again. The pink haired woman giggled as tears clouded her honey golden eyes and the blonde man smiled warmly as he tightened the knot. "Is a harsh time to come through, but we always have moments to share. Warmth from these two people melted the harshness of that season."

_"My lady!" Baaya raced after me, but I couldn't stop. The baby in my arms was weak and fragile but I didn't want him to miss his very first time to see snow. I knew he wouldn't remember this, but I wanted him to see it even as a child. He meant the world to me and I would never forgive myself if he missed out on anything. "The young master shouldn't be out in the snow, it is too cold!"_

_"Don't worry Baaya-san," I lifted the blue bundle to my face and immediately his hands moved up and held onto my cheeks. His amber eyes were wide and I thought he looked so funny. He played with his saliva, making little bubbles that I had the thought to have lectured him. "We'll be okay."_

"Love, between two young people," the red head jumped lightly as she placed the white veil over their heads, along with the green haired man as he pushed up his glasses in a serious way as well, seeming so serious yet happy at the same time. "Reminds us that life goes on. Together we will help them start their new journey, together and forever."

_"Nagihiko," he looked up at me, at nine years old he looked as ravishing as ever. The only thing that I hated was that he wore his hair in a ponytail and couldn't have it cut. "One day, you'll be allowed to be a boy, and one day you'll find a girl you'll love more than your mama."_

_"That's not possible." He smiled at me and wrapped his small arms around my kimono clad body, his face meeting my stomach only. "Mama will always be my number one girl. No one will replace her, I swear." _

"By the lighting of these candles," the blonde and redhead held hands while they lit the candles in placed them in place. Green eyes and Violet irises were filled with pride "that represent warmth, honesty, joy, love, life. The miracles in life where we recall all that has happened."

_"This Nagi, is a mermaid." The one year old placed a hand on the picture and quickly drew it back. He flipped through the pages and stopped when he found a fairy. He looked up at me, smiling with his mouth open, revealing his teeth, which were only two in counting. _

"Now, for the vows," I bit my lip, hand to my heart.

Where was the little boy I had read stories too? Where was the little boy I danced with? Where was the little boy I fed mashed apples too and ended up with a massive stain on my favorite kimono? How can this tall and broad shouldered man be the same boy I tucked in the bed? How can he be the same little boy who ran to me with tears in his eyes when nightmares attacked him in his sleep?

_"Mama!"_

I loved him first.

_"Mwawa!"_

From the first breath he breathed.

_"Uwah!"_

When he first smiled at me.

_ "Yu…kii!"_

I knew the love of a mother would stay.

_"Mama…"_

And it pains me to give him away.

_"No one will replace her, I swear!"_

There's a place in my heart, that will always be his.

_"Mama, I love you!"_

He may be hers now but…I loved him… _first_.

"You were always arguing with me. I liked the way you never stopped yourself from saying something." He looked at her endearingly, with the hint of that maturity in his eyes. "I don't know how but I did and will always love you Rima-chan."

"Don't be such a sap." She grabbed her bouquet and hit his arm with it, the congregation laughed but I sat still. She pouted, her cheeks colored in red with natural blush. He was right, she never held back when she wanted to say something. And I knew that it made him comfortable. She was perfect for him.

_"Mama," he held onto my hand as we hang up each and every last one of the one thousand paper cranes on the cherry blossom trees. "What are you wishing for?"_

_At twelve years old he still held onto my hand when we were alone. He looked at the multi colored papers and curiosity beamed in his large eyes._

_"I'm wishing the one day, any day, you'll find someone who loves you as much as your papa loves me." His cheeks turned red, and I knew that it had nothing to do with the bitter cold that moved around both of us. I giggled lightly at his expression and he laughed along with me._

"I never knew I'd feel like this, I didn't want to feel like this. I didn't want to get hurt." She smiled but kept her eyes on the ground instead of on his face. Slowly, she lifted her gaze from the floor to his eyes "But you changed me Nagihiko, I will forever and always hate you-."

"Thank god it's opposite day!"

"Yaya-chan, shh!"

I wish that this day didn't come… so soon.

I don't want to let go of my baby boy.

_"Mama," he held her hand, and she stood in front of him, not behind him. Worry pumped my heart in erratic beats as they exchanged looks. I already knew what this was about. I felt the joy radiating off of him. The pride, the love, the commitment in their eyes. I saw all of these emotions._

_"Mama, Rima-chan and I… we're…" he took a deep breath and beamed at me "Mama we're getting married."_

"Do you take each other?" I held my breath and felt something on my hand. Looking up, my husband smiled at me and kissed my forehead. I felt comfort, but not the comfort that I wanted.

"I do."

_I loved him first._

"I do."

_I held him first._

"Then by the power vested in me,"

_I wish I could keep him as mine… even for just a little longer. _

"I pronounce you man and wife."

_It hurts to let go. I don't want to let go._

"You may now kiss the bride."

That was it. I had lost. Though I knew the first time I had seen the beautiful blonde girl, that it wouldn't have been long before I lost my only son. Fujisaki Nagihiko. I am so proud of you. I love you. I wish you happiness and luck in life. You've done well and I love you so much. I'm sorry for putting you through all these traditions and these useless customs.

Mashiro Rima, I hate you. You took my child away from me, but at the same time I love you. You changed him and turned him into a man I hardly recognize. But I see the way you look at him, and I see the way he looks at you. You turned him into a better person. And for that I love you too.

_"Someone wants to see you," the nurse opened the door and I sat up, wincing slightly. The pain was worth it though when suddenly a blue bundle was placed in my arms. The nurse smiled and turned for the door "I'll leave you two alone."_

_"Hi baby." I leaned back down and kept the bundle close to my chest. He was sleeping, his chest heaving quickly. I suddenly realized that he still had no name. Natsume asked me to name him what I wished. He deserved a good name that fit him. _

_Looking at him I knew he'd be handsome. Like a prince. Hmm, Hiko maybe? _

_The baby boy squirmed and wiggled around in the blanket and his eyelids flew open and rested on my face. I couldn't help but admire how alike they were to mine. It was like… he had just saved that special attribution of mine and I… saved hmm… Nagi then?_

_He stirred once more as if he knew what I was thinking. I hugged him closer to me, not wanting him to feel cold before lifting a finger to his hand. Immediately, his small palm closed over my single finger, it was too big for him to hold entirely, so he clung onto the tip._

_"Nagihiko?" the grip on my finger tightened. "Nagihiko it is then."_

"May I have this dance?" He held his hand out to me and I took hold of it while he and I moved in synchronization. I couldn't believe that I had lost my baby boy. I had lost Nagihiko. I knew he'd never leave me entirely, but in a sense I felt so defeated.

I wouldn't be the first girl he'd run to when he needed help. I wouldn't be the first girl he'd think of when they asked him who he loved first. I felt tears in my eyes as he danced me around. I didn't want to cry, it wasn't a tradition in our family to be emotional.

"Mama," He leaned forward and hugged me tightly, though we didn't stop moving "I love you. You will always be, my favorite girl."

I beamed at him before pulling back and turned him to the woman who had been waiting patiently for her turn. I grabbed Rima's hand and placed it in his and smiled before kissing her cheek.

"Take care of him Rima," I made them hold hands, something I did a long time ago "But remember, he may love you now, but I will always have loved him first."

With any other girl, this statement would make them gulp and shiver and look all scared. But all Rima did was laugh and nod her head before she once again took him away from me and they danced the night away.

I can't believe how lost in the moment they looked because of how painful it was. But I'm glad that it was Rima who he had fallen in love with. She was enough for him. Like I had been. So you could say, the right dose of feminity?

_"Mama?" I opened my eyes but he was staring at the oven, where a cake we had just finished making was baking. "How do you know when you're in love?"_

_"It depends on the situation." He looked at me all curios._

_"Well, what if say, this guy likes this girl but this girl doesn't really seem to like him." He looked away from me and back to the oven._

_"Then you'll know real love," I placed a hand on his shoulder "in the person who knows how to let go."_

* * *

><p><strong>I don't exactly know what this is supposed to be. I just typed in whatever came to mind. This was inspired by the song 'I love her first' by 'Heartland'. It truly is an amazing father-daughter song. I removed the lyrics because a very good person who has taken the time to notice my one-shot pointed it out. I LOVE YOU MRS. FLAMER.<strong>

**This would have suited Amu and her father better but I don't think too much of Amu so a big no-no. That's all I guess. Don't be afraid to point out my mistakes, this was truly unedited, I just typed, copy pasted and uploaded.**

**Review now~**


End file.
